His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
