from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
