I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize