I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
