I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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