Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
