I just saw a hot homeless man
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
