In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I have demons in me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
