So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
