I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
