eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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