Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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