i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
