Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
