I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize