Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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