I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
