I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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