Will you blow on my dice?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
