Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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