If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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