I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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