I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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