your parents love me but you hate me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
