Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I can't turn off my feet"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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