ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
