im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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