Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
