I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
