he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize