On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
worst night to have a conscience
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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