Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize