I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
