Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
