you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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