she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Even my vagina gasped.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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