she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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