You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
