you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
