he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
