I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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