i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
In other news, I just burned my penis
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