ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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