when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
