apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
