Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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