either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
