I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
