She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
