There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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