Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
