Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
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