in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
two words: eviction party
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
