I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
