i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
