Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
