he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
