there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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