I CAN MOONWALK!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize