hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
