you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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