Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
