this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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