Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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